For this, the last month of the year 2013, we have dusted off our holiday favorites for an extended program of movies that test Santa’s patience. On the Naughty side, there’s a killer Santa and a sorority house stalker hanging out with John Waters; and on the nice side of the spectrum there’s Kevin McCallister unleashing slapstick justice on Clark Griswold and that kid from A Christmas Story.

It’s not all yuletide mumbo-jumbo, though. There are other movies. Like Oldboy! And McCabe and Mrs. Miller!


One Nite Only: Sidewalk Stories (1989, Charles Lane)
December 4; 7:30pm | Buy Tickets

A kind of modern update of Charlie Chaplin’s The Kid, Charles Lane’s 1989 comedy Sidewalk Stories follows a more contemporary Tramp as he travels around the mean streets of New York with a lost little girl.


Naughty & Nice: Black Christmas (1974, Bob Clark)
December 6 & December 7; Midnite | Buy Tickets

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the home not a creature was stirring, except for a psycho on the phone. Bob Clark’s essential piece of horror is as important as it is scary, about a house of sorority girls being stalked by a lewd, giggling assailant. Where are the calls coming from? I’d wager from inside the house.


Oldboy (2003, Park Chan Wook)
December 6 & December 7; Midnite | Buy Tickets

In light of the fact that we’re playing Spike Lee’s new hammy, borderline camp remake of Oldboy this month, to hell with it, we’re playing the other one too. See both and then evaluate your life. Are you too like a man locked in a small room for twenty years?


Country Brunchin’: McCabe & Mrs. Miller (1971, Robert Altman)
December 7 & December 8; Brunch | Buy Tickets

Robert Altman’s (First draft confessions: I first typed that out as “Roger Altman”) snowswept Western that sucks any sense of wonder and fun out of the genre, portraying an unforgiving early American landscape overtaken by cutthroat capitalism, brutal violence and punishing weather.


Naughty & Nice: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989, Jeremiah Chechik)
December 7 & December 8; Brunch | Buy Tickets

The single funniest movie ever made about Christmas. No debate. Don’t even try.


Simpsons Club
Mondays at 10pm | Cafe | Free | Schedule

We’re into Season 7 at Simpsons Club now, which aired in the year of our lord 1995 and 1996. Aside from the usual airdate commercials edited back into the program, we’re also dedicating a week to the show’s best Christmas episodes (of which there are many more than I thought).


Film Feast: A Christmas Story (1984, Bob Clark)
December 11; 7:15pm | Buy Tickets

It never ceases to amaze me that the seemingly universally beloved Christmas classic A Christmas Story shares a director with Black Christmas, a movie whose poster features a woman suffocated with plastic. In any case, we’ve put together a really nice menu inspired by the film. Check out the menu here.

eaten alive

The Deuce Presents: Eaten Alive (1977, Tobe Hooper)
December 12; 9:30pm | Buy Tickets

Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Poltergeist director Tobe Hooper has made a lot of movies that people really like but don’t have a huge audience. Movies like The Funhouse, Lifeforce and Eaten Alive. Eaten Alive is Hooper’s Floridian answer to Texas Chainsaw Massacre, replacing Leatherface with an angry, man-eating crocodile.


Inside Llewyn Davis Opens
December 13 | Buy Tickets


Live + Sound + Cinema: THX 1138 (1971, George Lucas)
December 13 & December 14; Midnite | Buy Tickets

Before George Lucas re-invented blockbuster movies for the rest of time, he was a surly, anti-authoritarian art-kid from USC. His first film, THX 1138, centers on a couple’s effort to break free from an oppressive dystopian police state. Quite a lot of shaved heads and men in mirror helmets. We’re screening the film with a live score from Conveyor, who has a cool looking bandcamp page.

silent night

Naughty & Nice: Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984, Charles E. Sellier Jr.)
December 13 & December 14; Midnite | Buy Tickets

Silent Night, Deadly Night is probably the best killer Santa movie. There are others — Santa’s Slay, Christmas EvilDon’t Open Till Christmas — but none of them quite match Silent Night, Deadly Night‘s giddy defacement of the big man. Naughty! *stab stab stab*


Naughty & Nice: Home Alone (1990, Chris Columbus)
December 14 & December 15; Midnite | Buy Tickets

It’s Home Alone. You don’t need me to introduce Home Alone. I haven’t seen it in a theater since I was 5, so that’s something. Wait, that’s a lie, I saw it in a theater in college.


Spoons, Toons & Booze
December 14 & December 15; Midnite | Buy Tickets

There are these two guys, they call themselves Secret Formula. Every month the two of them stake their claim in our big theater and show a whole bunch of 80’s and 90’s Saturday Morning favorites, offer cereal and then we make a bunch of ridiculous cocktails. It’s pretty fun.

night of the hunter

Vice Presents The Film Foundation Screening Series: Night of the Hunter (1955, Charles Laughton)
December 17; 9:30pm | Buy Tickets

Another month, another beautiful print from The Film Foundation. This month we’re happy to screen an amazing, restored print of Charles Laughton’s 1955 Southern Gothic masterpiece: Night of the Hunter. Love. Hate. Who could decide?


Naughty & Nice: Female Trouble (1974, John Waters)
December 20 & December 21; Midnite | Buy Tickets

John Waters and Divine do Christmas, basically. Dedicated to a Manson Family member. Crime is beauty.


Lil’ Hawk Friendly: Emmett Otter’s Jug Band Christmas (1977, Jim Henson)
December 21 & December 22; Brunch | Free | RSVP

Thankfully, The Muppets have managed to maintain cultural relevance throughout their long and storied career. This Jim Henson directed Christmas special may be a bit of a deep cut, but it’s just as sweet and amazing as his best Muppet films. We’re showing this movie for free, so really, no excuses.

Please RSVP, however, so we know how many to expect. There is a possibility of over-booking in this event as well, so please: leave all of your weapons at home.


Art Seen: Pecker (1998, John Waters)
December 21 & December 22; Brunch | Buy Tickets

A bit of a looked-over John Waters gem, Pecker spoofs New York’s stuffy, out-of-touch art-world by following the spectacular ascendance of a Baltimore photographer named Pecker. Noteworthy alone for its trailer’s repeated use of people shouting the word “Pecker.”


August: Osage County Opens
December 25 | Buy Tickets

Do you ever just want to watch someone punch Meryl Streep right in her stupid face? Opportunity knocks!


Naughty & Nice: Naughty 35mm Shorts
December 27 & December 28; Midnight | Buy Tickets

With Christmas over and New Years coming up, we figured it was time for some decadence. We’ve got film archivist Jack Theakson this weekend hosting two programs of sizzling, trashy and tramped up 35mm shorts. Expect a lot of naked 50’s girls. That’s girls from the 50’s, not in their 50’s.


Naughty & Nice: Holiday Shorts
December 28 & December 29; Brunch | Buy Tickets

A cleaned-up version of our Naughty show, this is more of a crowd pleaser, with a lot of obscure and old holiday cartoons that lack the big commercial appeal of stuff that gets re-run constantly. I watched the Rudolph short we’re playing — it’s really weird.