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Film Feasts: A Christmas Story (1984, Bob Clark)
Wednesday, December 11; 7:15pm | Buy Tickets

Director Bob Clark’s endlessly re-watchable tale of Christmas woe spun as a comedy, A Christmas Story takes us through the ups and downs of everyone’s favorite holiday: the food, the crippling family issues, and how kids, generally speaking, are a bunch of psychopaths.

Our kitchen has put together a hell of a Christmas feast to go along with the movie, with every course inspired by the film.

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Lovely, Beautiful, Glorious Christmas
Chestnut and cranberry stuffing bites, with snap ginger liqeur whipped cream

It’s the holiday around which every kid’s year revolves: Christmas. Presents. Reindeer. Snow. Christmas Specials. Toys. Guns! To get the feast started, we’re opening up up with some chestnut and cranberry stuffing bites, because those are both things that you eat at Christmas.

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Ovaltini

Ralphie’s ¬†secret decoder ring had it wrong. It’s “Be Sure to Drink Your Ovaltini.” Don’t fault him for screwing it up though. Have you ever used one of those things? Not easy.

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Mrs. Parker’s Comfort Food
Bacon wrapped meatloaf, yukon gold mashed potatoes, braised red cabbage

Now, show me how the piggies eat. This is your trough. Show me how the piggies eat. Be a good boy. Show mommy how the piggies eat. Mommy’s little piggie! (I always thought this scene was kind of gross.)

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“Oh Fuuudddggggeee” Chocolate Stout

A nice pairing for this drink is a giant bar of soap shoved into your mouth.

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Chinese Turkey
Roasted duck breast, Bumpuses’ egg roll, spiced orange reduction

What to do when some awesome hound dogs up and destroy your beloved turkey? Opt for duck. It tastes better than turkey, and you don’t have to do anything to prepare it besides pay for the damn thing. We’re also upping the ante by serving the dish without the Grandma-racism and fa-ra-ra-ing

Drink Pairing: Hot mulled wine

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Pink Nightmare
Coconut snowball cake

If my mother made me do something like dress in that bunny outfit I… Well, now that I think about it, I wouldn’t mind having a picture of myself looking furious in a bunny outfit. We’re pairing this pink nightmare with a pink coconut snowball cake.