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Valet Girls

Director: Rafal Zielinski Run Time: 82 min. Format: 35mm Rating: R Release Year: 1986

Starring: Meri D. Marshall, April Stewart, Mary Kohnert, Tony Cox, Jack DeLeon, and The Fibonaccis!

You read that right, ditz-wit: The Deuce don’t make mistakes! This ain’t the Cage-y gag-me-with-a-spoon rom-com we’re talkin’ about – no, narbo – these VALET GIRLS are in a class of crass all to themselves… and San Ferno’s a maj bore compared to the bo-coup Bonkersville these gals get knee-high socks deep into!

A car-parkin trio of Hollywood-hopeful-y, totally un-LA-y ladies – Brooklyn wanna-be pop-princess toughie, her very British college-grad academically-minded BFF, and a Southern Belle with stars in her eyes for stardom – take a gig auto-handling at the Malibu mansion of manic music impresario “Dirk Zebra” with the master plan of it being a gateway to each’s dreams of success… What they find instead is a wackadoo den of various depravities, worthy of a midway freak show! Totally nutzo! Totally killer!! Totally!!!

Mermaids! Master/Slave screenwriting duos! Musical numbers! Pool parties! Pervy producers! Porn stars! A New Wave Art-Rock party band!  And a marvel of a manager who’s a midget!! VALET GIRLS has got the goods!! Considered by “many” to be director Zielinski’s masterwork (the “many” not including Zielinski, himself, however – The Deuce will leave that one for more reputable repertories)… What title-wise sounds like a cheap imitation/cash-in copy-cat is instead its own singular slice of goofy that loonily lampoons and harpoons a litany of Hollywood types… And with a straight-to-video VHS box promising tight clothes and titillating T&A – the sweaty-palmed patrons of Times Square’s storied tape-slinging Video Shack (as well as while-the-fam’s asleep Skin-emax-fan dads) were more befuddled than fuddled by its sleight-of-hand slide into bouncy feminist bravado and a surprisingly sweet take on the usually dead-from-the-head-down “humor” found in most of the glut of 80s college sex comedies… Like, totally radical, for sure!!