Starring: Kim Milford, Cheryl “Rainbeaux” Smith, Gianni Russo, Eddie Deezen, Roddy McDowall, Keenan Wynn

The Deuce has been – is always – listening… 15-odd years with ear to the sometimes puddley, sometimes dog-poopy ground… Tuned in to your wants, your needs, your desires, your druthers… and now – near deafened – not by the tinnitus or too old – but by the cacophonous chorus of celebratory caterwauling: “Finally!!”– you cry out – “At long last… LASERBLAST!!”

Aliens! Amulets!! Sly (as in: blatant) jibes at a more successful space-opera franchise!! And a mom who beguilingly defies the laws of aging!! LASERBLAST is laissez-faire filmmaking that throws ludicrous at the wall and logic out the window and is so nonplussed by paltries such as proofreading as to allow misspellings amongst the cast credits… LASERBLAST has bigger fish to fry!!

Morose “teen” “boy” – miffed over (somehow seemingly younger than him) “mom’s” pending upteenth Acapulco outing – tries to cry his sorry state to sweeter-natured girlfriend (Cheryl “Rainbeaux” Smith!!) only to be bullied away by her bonkers ex-General grandad (Keenan Wynn!!)… into the further bullying arms of town-baddie (Eddie Deezen!??!)… The rest of said LASERBLAST being so brain-strainingly bizarre and brazenly brainless a succinct synopsis is neither possible nor warranted nor wise to attempt… Not only will the lasers of said LASERBLAST blast everything on screen to smithereens but they will melt your mind to a molten mess as well! While goofy clay-mation aliens taunt you in your taciturnity with such sassy bon mots as “Gleep”…

The booze-embalmed layabouts at the Embassy Theatre, initially befuddled by the buffoonery on display but – according to movie-maven Janet Maslin – eventually warmed to the LASERBLAST levity… and – as the still frozen-to-the-ground ear of The Deuce has deduced: you too will have a blast… at LASERBLAST!!