In a galaxy very, very, very, very far away there lived a ruthless race of beings known as… SPACEBALLS.

I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor. – Joan Rivers

In Mel Brooks’s masterful spoof of Star Wars, the planet Spaceball has run short on breathable air, forcing the evil empire to kidnap prissy Princess Vespa in order to coax her father, King Roland of the planet Druidia, to surrender his planet’s air supply over to them. Roland responds by hiring two down-and-out mercenaries – Lone Starr and Barf, a man-dog hybrid – to rescue the princess, but in order to save the galaxy for good, the team must learn the ancient secrets of The Force. Er…Schwartz. Joan Rivers appears in voice-only as Dot Matrix, the princess’s guardian android and mobile chastity alarm. It’s the perfect role for Rivers, because if she were given the option to be dipped in solid gold and live to crack jokes, she certainly would have taken the plunge. May the Swartz be with you!

Part of Nitehawk’s summer program COMEDIANS IN FILM (Women in Comedy).